When I was growing up, I was often puzzled by why God seemed so distant in comparison to the events that I read about in the Bible. As far as I was concerned, God seemed a lot like a Howard Hughes: the reclusive CEO of a mega-corporation (modern Christendom) who never dealt with anyone directly but insisted that they consult with His underlings (pastors and deacons). Unfortunately, these underlings were not always the most pleasant people to deal with, and many acted as though the company belonged to them outright. As a result, I grew disillusioned with church and all things religious. Pastors were always preaching that we all needed "a personal relationship with Jesus Christ," but how can you have a personal relationship with someone who never showed Himself, who never talked back when you talked to Him? First Corinthians 13:10 was interpreted to mean that, since the Bible had been completed, God no longer dealt with men directly. Thus, if anyone wanted to hear from God, he or she should "Go read the book" - I heard this sort of thing said often in the churches and Christian schools I attended, and it was terribly discouraging. It simply did not seem to fit with the character of the God I read about in the pages of the scriptures.
Fast-forward to my mid-30s. After years of complacency and lack of interest in anything spiritual, I found myself in the midst of a spiritual renaissance. Whereas prayer and Bible reading had once been something of a drudgery, they became a delight to me, and I spent hours a week before the Lord, seeking Him. My denominational training remained firmly intact, however. I was content to seek the Lord, but never expected to directly encounter Him. I do remember telling Him once that I believed that He was just as capable today of doing anything that He was recorded as having done in times past, but I had no real idea what that might mean to me personally.
Then came a night when everything changed and the religious disillusionment of my youth was powerfully dispelled.
I was up late one night, praying. Everyone else (meaning my wife and - then - two children) was asleep and things were very quiet. There was nothing remarkable about my prayer that night. I had no expectations of anything different. When at last I finished, I got into bed, rolled over onto my left side as I habitually do when I'm about to fall asleep, and closed my eyes.
I had only just closed my eyes when I felt it: a gentle brush of something against my right shoulder. I had been touched. I had never felt anything like it before; it was non-physical, but it was a touch, nonetheless. My wife was sound asleep on the other side of the bed and could not be responsible for it, I knew, but before I had time to think about it much more, a voice spoke very clearly in my mind.
Very simply, it said: "Stay awhile longer."
I'm a writer, but if I live to be 100, I will never be able to fully describe what came over me at that moment, in the quiet of a dark house, when something happened to me that I was not expecting and had not asked for. I can tell you, though, that I understood at that moment why God told Moses, "You cannot see My face and live." I was filled with the purest joy I had ever known. It was so powerful that it felt like it might kill me. And if a gentle touch and three softly whispered words were enough to do that, what might encountering God face-to-face do to a man? I do not doubt the apostle John whatsoever when he writes that he saw the risen Christ and fell before his feet as though dead.
I got out of bed, fell on my face before the Lord, and poured out thanksgiving to Him. I was overwhelmed. For a moment, the God of the universe, the creator of all things, wanted me to remain in His presence for awhile longer, talking with Him. Here was the personal relationship I had always longed for, the lack of which had always made church seem so dead and dry to me. The words of the Psalmist came to mind: "What is man, that you take thought of him? And the son of man, that you care for him?" (Psalm 8:4).
Since then, I have heard the Spirit's gentle whisper on a number of occasions, and almost never when I expected a reply. Once, I was praying for a couple that was having trouble in their marriage, and while I was still speaking that gentle voice interrupted and clearly said, "I can't help them if they won't yield to me."
I'm fully aware that I risk my reputation as a reliable, level-headed individual by sharing all of this so openly, but I know what happened to me, and I know that there are believers out there who are every bit as disillusioned with what they feel is a dead, dry religion as I once was. To those who feel this way, I say, take heart, dedicate yourself to seeking God fully, and you will find Him. I'm no one special, and God is no respecter of persons. Cast yourself into the Word and prayer, seeking Him especially in the quiet watches of the night, believing that He is just as capable of speaking today as He did in the past.
"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all of your heart." - Jeremiah 29:13
"He who has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me; and he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and will disclose Myself to him." - John 14:21
"He made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined that they would seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us..." - Acts 17:26-27
